There are some films that I can watch over and over again without ever getting sick of them, like the first two Godfathers, La Dolce Vita, or Point Break. And then there are the films I've only seen once in my life, but which have so thoroughly seared themselves upon my frontal lobe that there is no need to ever watch them again. I speak, of course, of Black Devil Doll From Hell.
The unsung missing link between the Karen Black section of Trilogy of Terror and the lucrative Chucky series, this shot-on-video 1984 horror film may truly be the worst thing I've ever seen -- and if that isn't a rousing recommendation, I don't know what is. Ineptly written, directed, produced and scored (with electronic music so crappy, it makes John Carpenter's Halloween score sound like John Williams' Star Wars stuff) by "auteur" Chester Novell Turner, the movie manages to be stultifyingly boring and shockingly ill at the same time. Watch it sober, and it'll make you think you're on drugs; watch it on drugs, and you'll really, really wish you hadn't.
The film's plot revolves around the "relationship" between a virginal christian black woman and the ventriloquist's dummy (which looks like Howdy Doody in Stevie Wonder drag) she discovers at a local junk shop. The proprietor warns her about the doll, saying that it has the power to grant wishes, but it also has the habit of returning to her store on its own. The woman decides to take it home anyway, then wakes up in the middle of the night to find herself tied to the bed, with the doll alive and laughing at her. "Biiiiitch," he growls, "I'm going to give you your HEARTFELTS WISH!" (All you single guys out there, feel free to try that pickup line sometime!) What follows is surely the most disturbing puppet-sex scene in cinema history. And thanks to the magic of YouTube, you can watch it here. But don't do it if you're at work, are easily offended, or are plagued by an irrational fear of puppets...
Now I know what Fabrice Morvan was doing before Milli Vanilli...
Posted by: Michael | January 09, 2007 at 08:59 PM
Dan, did you say Point Break?
Veiled sarcasm right?
Posted by: Greg Barbera | January 10, 2007 at 05:11 AM
oh, welcome to the blogsphere...
Posted by: Greg Barbera | January 10, 2007 at 05:12 AM
Veiled sarcasm? Not at all my friend. Point Break is completely ridiculous, I'll grant you, but I've lost track of how many times I've watched it in the past ten years.
Posted by: Dan E | January 10, 2007 at 09:08 AM
I think Strange Brew is probably the movie I have seen most over time. That and Countryman...
Posted by: Greg Barbera | January 10, 2007 at 10:18 AM
Thank you, Dan, for giving this thoroughly underappreciated film the praise it's due. My fave part of the film is where the doll nearly knocks her out with his terrible breath. A devil doll with halitosis -- that's just brilliant.
Posted by: paul Gaita | January 11, 2007 at 10:15 AM
Dan, I will forever be fascinated by your fascination with Point Break and its homoerotic subtext. But have you ever read the book it was based on, "Tapping the Source"? Supposed to be a modern-noir masterwork.
Posted by: Michael Ansaldo | January 11, 2007 at 01:32 PM
I always screw up Point Break with that other early 90's water-based piece of fabulosity, Striking Distance. And not for nothin', but my all time most watched film.... Coal Miners Daughter. Hands down.
Posted by: Sarah Parker | January 13, 2007 at 12:21 PM